I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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