I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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