Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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