I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
sex in a hospital.. check
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
