I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
