Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
