my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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