omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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