Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
