OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
