Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
