please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
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he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
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It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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