i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize