Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
