I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
