Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I have aggressive nipples.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
