Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He better not be in your backpack
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize