i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
