Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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