So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
