I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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