Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
