how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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