please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
