Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I checked into jail on foursquare
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
