There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
