Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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