well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
