I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
