went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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