I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
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All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
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She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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