The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
So squirting runs in the family.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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