Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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