dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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