3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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