What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
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