I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
