I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize