in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
