i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
