I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
