Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I didn't notice because vodka
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
