UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
