I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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