There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
that may or may not have been my penis.
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