He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
