if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
