What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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