I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
