I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
