i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
