three words: i give head
three words: not that well
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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