Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
