I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
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I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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