I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
All I want is dick and wine.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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