First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
false alarm, still single
Randomize
