you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
