Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
