Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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