I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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