Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
did i walk over a car last night?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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