Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
