She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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