but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize