I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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