question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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