these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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