i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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