Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
