The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
