im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
