the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
