I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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