Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
