Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You are the jesus of drinking
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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