i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
