I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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