So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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