I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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