just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
