I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
