he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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