he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
