he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
