What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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