is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
